


i'll keep fingers crossed always for you

by texaswatermelon



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 11:08:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8141650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texaswatermelon/pseuds/texaswatermelon
Summary: Karma feels like they’ve just gotten on an endless highway going in opposite directions, and there’s no place for either of them to turn around.
 (Karma discovers just how selfish she can truly be, and how she always finds her way back to Amy in the end.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> i know i'm late to this party, but i just finished watching the series and my girlfriend asked me to write her something to make up for the abrupt ending, so here we are. this is pretty much exactly how i imagine things would go for karma and amy in the end. mentions karma/liam and amy/ofc, but not too much. 
> 
> there is some hellish comma abuse in this story, so sorry about that and any other errors i may have missed.
> 
> story title comes from "Annie" by Vanessa Carlton.

When they’re fifteen, they have everything planned. They’re going to go to a state school together, graduate, get jobs in the same town, and live right next door to one another, eating too much junk food and watching too many documentaries until they grow old and die on the same day. That has always been the dream for both of them no matter what else is going on in their lives.

By eighteen, plans have changed. Karma has been with Liam for about a year now. She’s realized that music has always been her calling, that maybe she can make a career out of it. She ends up going to Austin College for their music program, while Amy accepts an offer to UT, major undecided. Watching Amy pack her things for school, knowing that they won’t be sharing a dorm room like she always imagined, is one of the hardest things Karma has ever had to do.

“You know you’re the one that chose a school that’s four hours away, right? Mine is only twenty minutes!” Amy teases when she catches Karma crying.

“This feels like the biggest mistake of my life,” Karma says, throat thick and swollen.

“Or maybe it’ll be the best mistake,” Amy says, tossing her bacon strip pajama pants aside to wrap Karma in a hug that feels far too final. “We can visit each other on the weekends whenever we want. It’ll be like nothing has changed."

Amy has never been as good of a liar as she is right now. Karma feels like they’ve just gotten on an endless highway going in opposite directions, and there’s no place for either of them to turn around. Still, she buries her head into Amy’s shoulder and lets herself believe that nothing will change.

xx

At first, they visit each other all the time, just like Amy promised. Liam always whines when Karma goes back to Austin without him, but she knows he’ll survive without her. Shane is only ever a phone call away, and Karma doesn’t want anything intruding on best friend time with Amy. They go to tailgates and football games on Saturdays, recover on Sundays before Karma has to head back to school. Karma misses Amy dearly during the week, but they talk all the time over Skype, and that makes it a little better. When Karma comes home for winter break, she spends nearly all of it with Amy, to the point where Liam actually gets jealous and they have a fight. They make up in a few hours and everything is fine again.

They’re only back at school for a month before Karma decides to surprise Amy on a Thursday night. She’s decided to skip all of her classes the next day and knows she can easily convince Amy to do the same. There’s an indy film festival in the city this weekend and Karma has already secured two passes and a suitcase full of snack items.

She knocks on Amy’s door twice before she hears laughter on the other side, then hurried stumbling, and Amy’s muffled yell that she’s coming. When the door finally opens, Amy is standing there looking a bit flushed and breathless, hair disheveled and donut shirt thrown on inside out.

“Karma,” she says, full of surprise, but not the good kind. “I didn’t think you were coming until tomorrow."

“Surprise!” Karma says, trying to figure out what the hell Amy’s deal is. She should be freaking out and pissing off half the dorm with her excited squeals right now, not looking like Karma just crashed a private party.

“Who is it, babe?” someone asks from inside the room, and then a tall and gorgeous brunette appears over Amy’s shoulder wearing one of Amy’s half-buttoned plaid shirts and nothing else.

Amy looks mortified. Karma feels like she’s been sucker punched.

“Tristan, this is Karma,” Amy says with that extremely awkward smile she uses every time she’s caught in a position she would rather not be in. “Karma, this is Tristan. My girlfriend."

Hearing it is somehow so much worse than seeing it, and for half a second Karma wonders if her face reflects the amount of bile gathering in her throat before she quickly collects herself and plasters on a fake smile that could win an Oscar.

“Of course! Tristan, it’s so nice to meet you!” Karma says in a sugary sweet voice, ignoring how completely pale Amy’s face is right now. “Amy’s told me so much about you, I’ve been dying to see if it’s all true."

She looks Amy’s girlfriend up and down, trying not to linger too obviously on her bare legs, and is completely put off by how hot this girl is.

“Looks like it all checks out so far!” Karma says, which gets a laugh out of Tristan.

“If Amy talks about me half as much as she talks about you, I’m flattered,” she says, then bumps Amy’s shoulder. “Aren’t you going to invite her in?"

Amy just sort of steps aside, looking as though she might faint. Karma shoots her a glare as she walks by, only half listening as Tristan excuses herself to go put some clothes on.

“Karma,” Amy says hoarsely once they’re alone, but Karma just shakes her head.

“We’ll talk about it later,” she says, and tries to ignore the jealousy clawing at her chest for the rest of the night.

xx

Tristan is as charming as she is beautiful, which is just enough to piss Karma off, since she actually finds herself liking this girl despite every effort to find some sort of flaw. She even manages to get Amy to relax after a while, talking about how they met when Amy accidentally started choking on her pastry in a coffee shop and Tristan managed to save her life. Amy laughs at the memory and looks at Tristan like the heavens are hung in her eyes. It makes Karma nauseous for reasons that she doesn’t care to examine at the moment.

“Well, I should probably get going. I want to give you two some much needed bestie time,” Tristan finally says, much to Karma’s relief.

“Sorry again for crashing,” Karma says with that too perfect smile again.

Tristan waves her off.

“Don’t sweat it. It’s really nice that you guys surprise each other like this."

She gives Amy a kiss that lasts way longer than necessary in Karma’s opinion, especially when Amy comes away with a stupid grin on her face, looking like she’s just been shot with Cupid’s arrow.

“It was nice meeting you Karma,” she says, and then she’s gone.

The silence is deafening in her absence and even heavier than Karma’s heart. Now that they’re alone, she has time to let the hurt really settle in. Amy must sense it. She reaches across the couch to hold Karma’s hand. Karma lets her, for now.

“Karma, I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but I wanted to wait and see how serious it got before I let anyone know,” Amy says, looking terrified.

Of what? Karma wonders. Her anger or her sadness? It’s been years since they’ve kept a secret like this from one another. The pain of it is not something she wanted to relive.

“It looked pretty serious,” Karma says, biting back some of the more venomous words that come to mind.

“It is, I think,” Amy says, and the tone of her voice makes Karma look up from the hole she’s staring into the floor. “I think I love her."

The look that Amy has right now…it’s a look that Karma has seen a million times before. It’s a look that she had somehow convinced herself would only ever be directed at her. It’s the look Amy gets when she’s hopelessly devoted to another person, and it makes Karma want to claw her own eyes out just so she never has to see that look on Amy’s face again while Tristan’s name is falling from her lips.

But they are adults now, and Karma is long past the selfishness of needing to keep Amy’s heart all to herself with no intentions of ever loving her back. At least, that’s what she tells herself. So she chokes back her tears and her rage and the feeling that her world is coming apart at the seems and smiles through her best lie yet.

“That’s great, Amy. I’m really happy for you."

xx

Their visits get less and less frequent throughout the rest of the year. Amy keeps making plans with her girlfriend and Karma doesn’t have the heart to ask her to break them and come visit her instead. And she can’t stand to visit Amy herself anymore. Can’t stand the feeling of not fitting into the ever changing puzzle that is Amy’s life anymore.

So when Amy mentions bringing Tristan home to stay with her for part of the summer, Karma finds a really good excuse to pack up Liam and her guitar and travel the state playing at bars and coffee shops for three months until school starts up again.

xx

By the middle of sophomore year, Amy has realized that she’s actually really good at photography and finally declares her major at UT. Karma finds out about this development on Facebook three weeks before Amy mentions it in a text message, their first communication in over a month.

xx

That summer, it’s Karma who comes back home while Amy is off in Indonesia, shooting pictures as part of an internship with National Geographic. Karma follows her adventures via Instagram while she helps Liam host his very own art show. Shane is there, too, and they’re still close from their summer of lifeguarding together. He learned long ago to stop mentioning Amy when Karma’s around, but if he catches her obsessively stalking Amy’s social media pages when she thinks no one else is paying attention, he has the kindness not to say anything.

She runs into Felix, of all people, at the grocery store. He gives her a warm hug and tells her that he’s in school learning how to be a grief counselor.

“It’ll be really nice to be there for people who need me, I think,” he says, and looks truly happy. “Hey, how’s Amy doing?"

“Great!” Karma says automatically, as if she’s still fifteen years old. Still faking it. “She’s off living the dream right now."

“I heard. That’s awesome,” Felix says. “Nice to see you guys are still close, too."

“Closer than ever,” Karma replies, and hates the fact that it isn’t even close to the truth.

xx

Before the summer is over, Amy’s relationship status on Facebook changes to single. Karma considers reaching out, but hates herself for even thinking about being so self-centered. She goes back to school a week early, just as Amy is due to fly back home.

xx

Liam, Karma, and Shane are at a music festival in Austin the spring of their junior year. Karma is in the middle of enjoying Echosmith’s set when she looks down to find Liam on one knee, nervous smile on his face while he extends a ring box toward her. She can hear the words falling out of his mouth—telling her he loves her, asking her to spend the rest of their lives together—but they don’t compute in her brain. Her eyes flick up, over his head and across the crowd. She sees Amy there. Karma saw that she would be here on Facebook, but didn’t expect to actually find her. They lock gazes like planets, doomed to always be in each other’s orbit, always in danger of crashing and destroying the balance of the universe in their devastation.

Karma suddenly can’t breathe. She runs.

The bathrooms at this festival are crowded and awful, but Karma pushes past a line of drunk and incensed people to run to the toilet so she can be sick. She retches a few times before she can stand up straight and wipe her mouth off. She can’t tell if her eyes are watering from puking or if she’s actually crying. When she turns around, she comes face to face with Amy.

“So I know I’m not an expert, but all those times you made me propose to you as Prince Charming when we were five definitely didn’t end with you getting sick and crying in a gross bathroom,” Amy says with a grimace.

She is the most beautiful thing Karma has ever seen. She can’t believe it’s been two years since they’ve spoken. She can’t believe she ever lived her life without this girl in it.

Karma throws herself into Amy’s arms and sobs harder than she ever has in her entire life. The fact that Amy doesn’t even hesitate to wrap her arms around Karma and hold her close only makes her cry harder.

“Let me get you out of here,” Amy murmurs into her hair, and Karma does not refuse.

xx

They go to Karma’s house. Her parents aren’t home, which is a huge relief, so Karma invites Amy in and they sit on her bed like they’re teenagers again.

“I’m sorry for going crazy back there,” Karma says now that she’s calmed down a little bit.

It’s starting to hit her that she really hasn’t talked to Amy in years and this is probably a little awkward. Amy just shakes her head and looks a little tired.

“You’re a good actress, Karma, but I’ve always known your lines before you even say them. You should know by now that you don’t have to pretend with me."

Karma feels tears coming to her eyes again and tries to choke them back.

“I just don’t want to lose you again, Amy,” she says desperately.

“You’re the one that disappeared!” Amy says, and looks angry for a moment before taking a deep breath to calm herself. “I never stopped being your friend, but after you vanished for the whole summer after our freshman year and stopped coming to visit me at school, I figured you didn’t want to be mine anymore."

Karma feels fucking awful. She suddenly thinks of all the things Amy may have gone through these past two years—fights with her girlfriend, excitement and nervousness about her internship, drama with Lauren or her mom—and how she probably could have used a best friend to talk to about all of those things. Instead, Karma left her on her own. This is a thousand times worse than when Amy went on tour with that band when they were in high school.

“I’m so sorry,” Karma says, tears slipping out without her permission. “I don’t think I’ve ever really known how to be your friend without hurting you, have I?"

“You did once,” Amy says kindly. “Why did you pull away? Was it Tristan?"

Karma feels like an asshole, but she might as well admit it now.

“Yes. When I showed up at your dorm that night I was so upset that you didn’t tell me about her. But then I realized that you probably didn’t tell me about her because I always screw things up for you."

Karma looks at the ceiling and wipes her eyes, shaking her head at her own self-involvement.

“I’ve always been so selfish when it comes to you, Amy. I want you all to myself, heart and soul. When I saw the way you looked at Tristan, I could see that you really loved her. The same way you used to love me. And I wanted to be happy for you, but I just couldn’t. I kept thinking that i was going to lose you or do something stupid to keep you, so I just removed myself from the equation. It’s been hell without you. A life without you in it doesn’t even feel worth living."

Amy is crying, too. They’ve always been like this. They share each other’s pain as if they were separated at birth.

“You don’t have to live your life without me, Karma. I’m always here for you, no matter what else is going on in our lives. But you also have to understand that if you’re not going to be with me, you have to let me be happy with someone else. That’s what best friends do. They support each other. I always tried to do that with you and Liam, and I’m the one that’s supposed to be in love with you."

Those words hit Karma in the chest like a wrecking ball. She blinks stupidly, looking at Amy in disbelief.

“Still?” she asks, and for a moment Amy looks surprised, like she said something she didn’t mean to, but then she just shrugs.

“I’ll always be in love with you, I think. It doesn’t mean I can’t love other people, too."

Karma sighs, blowing her hair out of her face, and reaches for Amy’s hand. Their fingers still fit together perfectly.

“I promise to be better this time,” she says. “Maybe after almost two decades, I can finally get it right for you."

“The fact that you’re willing to try is good enough,” Amy says with a pretty smile.

xx

Things with Liam don’t end well, but then Karma guesses she was asking for too much to hope that they would. There’s a lot of banging metal in his workshop. He yells a lot and throws his hammer at the wall. He cries and even begs for her to just stick it out. They’ve invested so much time already.

There was a time when all Karma ever wanted was to marry Liam Booker. Now, when she thinks about spending the rest of her life with him, it feels like she’s suffocating. She doesn’t know when it changed for her. All she knows is that she’s leaving one more broken heart in her wake.

She puts in a transfer request to finish her last year of college at UT and gets accepted. Spends her summer picking up the pieces of her shattered future and gets to know Amy, age twenty-one, as well as she knew her at age sixteen.

xx

Zen gets married during their senior year. Karma has never wanted to go to an event less in her life, but she loves her parents, so she asks Amy to go as her date.

“Come on, Amy, we have plenty of practice,” Karma jokes, and Amy’s eyebrows shoot up into her hairline.

“You want to fake it again?” she says incredulously.

“No, you dumbass. I’m actually trying to be a good friend now, remember? Just keep me company and dance with me so I have an excuse to avoid my ridiculous extended family."

Amy breathes a sigh of relief.

“Of course I’ll be your date. Dumbass."

xx

They share two bottles of wine between them, which is enough to get them well and truly drunk. They manage to stumble back to Amy’s house. Amy bursts through the bedroom door singing an off key rendition of a Mariah Carey song, trips over something lying on the floor, and laughs at herself.

Karma feels her heart swell and burst with the realization that Amy is the most essential piece of her heart. She has been all along, and how Karma’s only just noticing it now, she’ll never understand, never forgive herself for.

The thought propels her forward. She grabs Amy’s face between her hands and kisses her. And fuck, she wishes she wasn’t so drunk, because it’s not nearly the way that Amy deserves to be kissed—with finesse and tenderness and a tongue that doesn’t taste like too much wine and hors d’oeuvres. But it must be good enough, because when they finally pull away, Amy has this stupid look on her face like she’s been drugged, and Karma knows that’s a good thing.

“Whoa,” Amy says quietly.

“I know,” Karma replies with a grin, and wishes she would have been able to see this clearly in that auditorium all those years ago.

Amy shakes her head and seems to snap out of her daze, frowns at Karma with confusion.

“Karma, what—"

Karma silences her with another kiss.

“I can’t explain right now, Amy, because I’m really drunk and you deserve a composed answer, but for tonight, I just need you to stop thinking, because you look so hot in that dress, but I really want you out of it."

Apparently Drunk Amy doesn’t have to be told twice. She kisses Karma this time, and they fall onto the bed in a tangle of limbs and fabric. Karma has never had sex with a girl, has never wanted to before this, but the benefit of being this drunk is that she doesn’t really care. She does whatever she thinks is right and lets the noises Amy makes guide her until Amy shatters like glass in her hands. Karma thinks she’s never caused anything so perfect in her life.

When Amy flips her over and stares down at her with dark eyes, Karma knows she’s about to be in the best kind of trouble. Amy makes her come so hard (twice) she sees spots, before they finally collapse and pass out on top of one another.

xx

Karma wakes first, head pounding and mouth sticky dry. She could really use a toilet and a glass of water more than anything, but Amy is burrowed into her side, still asleep, and Karma is loathe to wake her. She only has to wait about five minutes before Amy begins to stir, groaning and complaining about the sunlight filtering in through the window.

“You always were the worst at hangovers,” Karma says, scratching at Amy’s scalp lightly.

“Shut up, Karma,” Amy mumbles into the side of Karma’s breast.

Suddenly, as if only just realizing that they’re both naked and cuddling in bed, Amy stiffens and then shoots straight up out of bed.

“What the fuck?” she says, eyes wide and hair sticking out at every odd angle.

“Amy,” Karma says cautiously, “please don’t flip out. I’m pretty sure your mom is downstairs."

“But you’re naked!” Amy stage whispers, causing Karma to roll her eyes. “And I’m naked. And we had sex. And you initiated it!"

She points accusingly at Karma with wild eyes. Karma sighs. She was really hoping to have a civil conversation about this, not a crazy one.

“Yes, Amy, we slept together. I wanted to. And so did you,” Karma says calmly.

Amy can only stare and splutter, so Karma reaches out and drags her back down to sit on the bed. She takes a breath to collect herself, to figure out how to say what she needs to say.

“Amy, I don’t know exactly how to explain what I felt last night. I know we were drunk, but when I looked at you it was like I really saw you for the first time. Like sixteen years of friendship suddenly refocused and came into a new perspective."

It doesn’t even look like Amy is breathing right now, she’s so still and transfixed, and Karma feels like she has to barrel through this, so she continues.

“All those times I couldn’t bear to see you be in love with someone else because I wanted you to be in love with me…I think I just couldn’t admit or realize that I wanted to be with you, too. I don’t know why it took me so long. You’re the light in all of my days. You’re the one person in this world that I know better than I know myself. I still avoid anything nut related on the off chance that I might accidentally trigger your allergy. I still keep your EpiPen in my purse just in case. I carry you with me wherever I go, even when we’re miles apart. I haven’t been without you since the day we met and I don’t want to be without you for the rest of my life."

Amy exhales a shuddering breath, eyes rimmed red with tears. Her face is unreadable, and that terrifies Karma. If Amy rejects her now, it will be less than she deserves for all the shit she’s done over the years, but it will decimate her heart for good. Every fuck up she’s ever done has led her to this moment, and she has to believe that Amy still wants her, too.

“Karma,” Amy says in a voice so small it makes Karma’s heart stop at the sound of it, “get over here and kiss me right now."

If Karma could teleport the short distance across the bed, she would. As it is, she sort of flings herself at Amy. They kiss sloppily, full of tears and half sobs, because they’re idiots and they could never have done this like normal human beings.

“It feels like I’ve been waiting a lifetime to hear you say that,” Amy says between kisses.

Karma looks her in the eye.

“You don’t have to wait any longer. I love you. I wish I would have known it sooner."

“I think the only person who did know was Shane,” Amy says, and Karma laughs.

“He’ll be so pleased with himself."

xx

They graduate together, just like they always planned. Amy gets Karma flowers and Karma gets Amy a box of donuts, and it’s perfect. Karma’s parents insist on as many pictures of the two of them kissing as possible, while Amy’s mom begs them to pose for just one decent picture.

Karma gets a job teaching music at Hester while she continues to book gigs at local venues. Amy sticks with freelance photography, shooting weddings, concerts, and other events, and selling some of her work to local magazines and newspapers. They move in together after a year of real dating and only fight about whether to get a cat or a dog, settle on one of each and call it a day.

It’s not the fame or fortune that Karma imagined as a girl. There are no EGOTs in her future. No Prince Charming, either. But there is an adorable puppy who loves to fall asleep with his head in Karma’s lap. There’s a cat that likes to knock fragile things off of shelves and gives better hugs than most humans. There’s a pretty cute little house in a decent neighborhood in Austin. And there’s Amy, always there when she wakes up in the morning. Always ready with Netflix and junk food on a Friday night. Always willing to love her and grow old with her. And that was always part of the plan.


End file.
